Page 27 - Here and Now June 2022

Helping relationship and its nature

Helping Relationship is defined as “a relationship in which at least one of the parties has the intent of
promoting the growth, development, maturity, improved functioning, and improved coping ability with
life of the other.” Teacher-student, parent-child, counsellor-counsellee, therapist-client, maybe
employer-employee are some examples of the same.

The author identifies 10 questions that a therapist needs to ask himself/herself to understand the nature
of helping relationships.

1. Can I come across in a way that the other person would perceive me as really trustworthy -
(congruence)
2. Can I be expressive enough as a person that would unambiguously communicate what I am -
(congruence)
3. Can I let myself experience a positive attitude toward other person - Warmth, care, respect
4. Can I be strong enough as a person to be separate from the other? (Freedom to self)
5. Am I secure enough within myself to permit separateness of the other? - (freedom to the other)
6. Can I let myself get into the world of the other? - (empathy)
7. Am I willing to accept the other person unconditionally? (non-evaluative)
8. Am I willing to show Sensitivity to the other person, so as not to be seen as a threat? (non-
evaluative)
9. Can I free him from any possible perception of the threat of evaluation by others? (non-
evaluative)
10. Can I be in touch with the process of the other person “becoming” without my being
biased/influenced by his/her past

These questions that are discussed in detail in the book highlight the values of congruence, empathy,
being non-judgmental, allowing freedom to self and others and showing respect and care for others.

Being Authentic is the key - Authentic living consists of congruence between caring and living, being
trustworthy, dependable and consistent. Roger’s desire is to open up space for real conversations to take
place, help people experience each other, listen to each other, free of judgement and evaluation and
participate in their journey of becoming a person by realizing their full potential. It gently opens the
possibilities of knowing and loving oneself.

One of the core concepts in a helping relationship is being CONGRUENT. Congruent persons behave in
accordance with what they truly feel–when they feel sad, it is okay that they shed tears. When a person
is incongruent, he/she wears a mask/ builds a wall and is thus removed from and ‘unaccepting’ of his/her
true self. Persons unaccepting of self, remain ignorant of their true self (their feelings, perceptions, and
perspectives). As a consequence, they assume the personality characteristics expected of them by their
environment or culture. To the extent that one is ‘unaccepting’ of one’s true self, one cannot be
‘accepting’ of others.

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