Page 20 - HERE AND NOW Dec 2022

Letting Go

By MEETA

I have often wondered what kept me from moving forward, for so long.
Looking backwards and getting pulled into the past, I tried to leave
things behind but could not go far enough. I got stuck in the same,
familiar patterns of thought and behaviour.

I think the first step forward in my journey was a growing self-
awareness followed by a deep and honest acceptance; and finally I was
able to turn the key and let go.

Letting go was liberating, and I have now experienced it in so many
different ways.

One of the big moments was letting go of beliefs--- a belief system so
ingrained in me that it became difficult to separate it from the idea of
“me’. To state a few of these beliefs----how I defined success, the
importance of performance, that I was of value only if I performed, etc. My beliefs defined if I was ok or
not ok, what I should do, and how I should feel. Over time, I was able to see the dissonance and realised
that I was not my belief system. I realised that I could choose not to hold on to my belief system and that
I could look at things differently. This moment was born out of deep reflection, pain and sorrow, but the
awareness freed me. I kept falling back, but once you see the truth it sets you free. It has been a long
journey that required hard work but at the end of it, I was able to let go of much that I believed in earlier.

Another kind of letting go that I experienced was of intense feelings. The feelings were not in my conscious
mind and I had to first reach a point where they emerged in my consciousness. I have let go of hurt,
sorrow and anger and that has eased my pain, allowing me to begin things afresh. I also realised that in
order to move on, I had to let go of even happy memories. While pain and hurt of the past was a constant
source of resentment and irritation, happy memories also tied me down, since I was trying to stay with
them rather than exploring and being open to whatever new experiences awaited me.

Letting go resonates with the concept of raag and dwesh as I have learnt in Vipassana. It is said that we
get miserable not just because we don’t want (dwesh) hurt or pain but also because we want (raag) love
and attention. Our intense attachment to our experiences and the emotions associated with such
experiences become the baggage we carry with us. Letting go of this baggage frees us to experience
whatever life has to offer in the here and now.

It reminds me of the spring cleaning that I do when my house has got cluttered. This metaphor of cleaning
house fits in beautifully in my mind. I buy so much stuff on impulse and then it lies in a corner of the house,
taking space, but not really serving any purpose. I have collected stuff because they are memories of
places I have visited or holidays with loved ones or gifts from friends and families---- an endless list of
reasons why I need to hold on to stuff that I have bought or continue to keep. So many things are broken,

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