Page 15 - HERE AND NOW Dec 2022

Resourceful me??

By SANDHYA KULKARNI

I earlier worked in Mumbai for about 22 years. Some
of my colleagues and a few of my friends considered
me a guide to sourcing, be it head hunting or
shopping. I, however, never felt it was my special
skill. As an executive producer for films and television
series, I always needed to look for suppliers, actors,
writers, locations, crew members, equipment,
hotels, clothes and what not. I loved my job and the
fact that it kept me on my toes 24x7. I was living a
vibrant life. I was a valuable part of the team, and I
knew that industry references work.
However, I left my job in 2012. While going through the process of deciding what to take up next, I was in
very low spirits. Sunk in uncertainties and not knowing the way out, I was confused and unclear about
everything. I was caught in a vicious cycle of illness, unemployment, funds getting exhausted, unclear
about self and with a big question mark about what to do next?
Losing my father at that point was the darkest day of my life and my grieving for his loss won’t end.

While I knew that gaining back my health would take some time, I kept telling myself – “Oh! You never
network, how are you going to find a new job? And how and what will you do if you are changing your
career track or even get back on the original track after all the diversions you took on the job?”

My confidence was out on a holiday! For me, keeping up my spirits was a daily struggle. I would look at
everybody and wonder at “how everybody was meaningfully engaged in his or her work and how busy
were their lives!”. Not having a sense of belonging after my father’s demise, I would always end up
questioning myself – “why I am alive and what is the purpose of my life?”

I would get overwhelmed by a feeling of helplessness, and I would suffer in silence. I was struggling to find
a way out of what seemed complete darkness, silence and stillness in my mind - as if my body was on
autopilot and my living mechanical. I chose to stay aloof and cried inconsolably.
One day, out of utter frustration, I spoke my mind to my friend and that is when the shift started
happening within me. My friend listened to me with empathy. She would ask me questions, which made
me more aware of what I was thinking, feeling, and seeing but doing nothing about getting what I wanted
for myself, but just staying dispirited.

Thankfully, I soon landed up in my first lab with ISABS. The experience was an eye opener for me. I could
understand how I came across to others and how I was underestimating my own capabilities. I discovered
that awareness was a trigger and then my journey truly began. I am thankful to have been blessed with
good people around who never gave up on me during my tough times. They always made themselves
available for the conversations I wanted to have or the experiments with self that I wanted to try out.

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