Page 12 - Here and Now June 2022

I must say, I got all these opportunities because I was willing to avail of them and also because ISABS
supported me. The Western Region stood behind me unconditionally and empowered me to do all this!!
My spirit of Volunteerism helped me also in my inner process work.

I found it challenging to be with people and to work with them as I was not comfortable in claiming my
space while with them. I am sharing an insightful work of mine. Claiming my space was something that I
was depriving myself of.

Gradually I learnt that too! Now I claim my space, and in doing so I am assertive and available to the other
person. Initially when I was experimenting with it, I sometimes came across as slightly irritated, aggressive
and anxious---irritated with self, I realized later on reflection, as I was trying a new pattern and anxious
because it was challenging for me, as I was doing something that was different from my regular behaviour,
and turning out to be aggressive in the process. I also became aware that it demanded stoic strength.
While claiming my space, I was aggressive with the other person, for it then stemmed from my belief that
to claim one’s space, one needs to be aggressive and in doing so, I realised later, that while I was available
to self, I was not available to the other person. This realization gave me another dimension to work on my
inner process, whereby it made me reflect and consider the various choices available to make the
interaction effective to all concerned.

What I found most challenging in the process of claiming my space was first checking with self and then
saying what I felt like without getting anxious about whether that’s what others want too! And that was
the next level of progression that I had to learn to achieve and that meant, what matters is “ME” and
while taking care of myself, I am still available to others, by being assertive and compassionate
simultaneously.

Yep! Rarely though, my scale tips towards the others involved and I do consciously abandon myself, but
that happens because doing so gives me happiness and joy!!

There were challenges that I experienced within self, but I never stopped working with passion, facing
these challenges. While doing this, I fell, got wounded but got up and with renewed vigour continued to
make shifts and evolve I did, though gradually but definitely.
Given my introverted disposition, volunteering to work and face people in roles such as coordinator and
anchor, as I now look back and reflect, I see myself having made the shift and embracing the change that
is experienced in the core of my being and has brought me this far in my journey.

This journey has consequently impacted my professional and personal life in an effective way and has
made me continue to be in this space at my professional and personal front too. It empowered me to
challenge self and explore terrains that I felt were challenging and difficult for me. It opened whole new
avenues of opportunities to work with self and to grow and evolve.

As I started doing co-facilitation, I grew a little more bit by bit. In each co-facilitation, I experimented and
tested self, learnt from the participants, from their sharing, from my co-facilitators and from the
community sessions!

However, even now I experience Performance Anxiety, but it’s no longer the all-consuming fire with its
flames it used to be, but a warm hearth. In this journey of mine what helped me was my Honesty,
Vulnerability, Determination, Perseverance, Resilience and support from ISABS and few of its members

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